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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Ben's LiveJournal:

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Friday, February 22nd, 2008
7:43 pm
I'm trying to re-hash the way i felt in 2003 so i thought writing on livejournal would be a good start, i alway enjoyed drinking and sitting on the internet for hours when i lived at me mums house. i think the only difference now is that i live with mike, i have crowsfeet , and i have less hope. haha. Ok, everyone, here's the plan: Find a job pay rent buy food. ugh. nothing has really changed has it. (met chris at fuel, want to his house, listened to music i've never heard of, went home due to his tango lesson, took pictures of myself, bought wine, drank wine, went on livejournal, ate peanuts. 

Current Mood: cold

(2thoughts | funnels)

Sunday, May 27th, 2007
9:00 pm
silk cheese katys hungie! hungi , ,,,,,mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm   tastey yum yum thehehehe soo soo yay yay! today yay! sometime soon ill be coming, im coming, iimmm coming,here i come , boo

(funnels)

Sunday, January 8th, 2006
3:01 pm
tons of nightmeares, felt hungover this morning regardless of' last night was the first night i stayed sober in a long time. I think i Grit my teeth in my sleep, riding in front seat of blue car with dawn gorski then she transmorms into chris.leaving one of the other passenger with 15 misty ultra-light 160's.

Current Mood: creepy

(funnels)

Wednesday, January 4th, 2006
7:14 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Natural Pose: hey
thegreyVersion: poop
Natural Pose: whats happenin
thegreyVersion: did you get money and druibssssssssss
Natural Pose: i got food
Natural Pose: at a mexican place
thegreyVersion: hi
thegreyVersion: what didja get!?
Natural Pose: a tasty taco salad
thegreyVersion: !
thegreyVersion: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!1'
Natural Pose: margarita, coffee, chips, bitching
thegreyVersion: TACO SALAD!!!!!!!!
thegreyVersion: TASTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thegreyVersion: I GOT A LITTLE JOB!

Natural Pose: yeah?
thegreyVersion: mabye
thegreyVersion: when this dude bob gets back from thailand
Natural Pose: what kinda job?
thegreyVersion: cleaning and stuff
thegreyVersion: talking
thegreyVersion: to and old lonley man
thegreyVersion: for money
thegreyVersion: \hahaaa
Natural Pose: oh
Natural Pose: Hi Ben,
Natural Pose: is mom doing o k ? Did she get over her sickness?
Natural Pose: moms wondering how your mom's doing
thegreyVersion: she must be better
thegreyVersion: it was just psychligocal
thegreyVersion: ugh
thegreyVersion: im retarted
Natural Pose: oh
Natural Pose: little bit
Natural Pose: what's up
Natural Pose: what's going on
Natural Pose: what's the score
thegreyVersion: ben :1
thegreyVersion: life: 67
thegreyVersion: ( one point due to weak aspresso)
Natural Pose: aw
Natural Pose: did you just get up?
thegreyVersion: heavens no!
thegreyVersion: i got up at 5 !

thegreyVersion: hazey me!
Natural Pose: haha
thegreyVersion: anna
Natural Pose: yeeeea
thegreyVersion: can i have some money
Natural Pose: are you broke ass?
Natural Pose: yeah
Natural Pose: what the fuck do i still owe you like atleast 60 dollars or something
Natural Pose: i think.. i don't know
Natural Pose: i haven't slept in a while
Natural Pose: errrgh
thegreyVersion: you owe me your body
thegreyVersion: 60 times
Natural Pose: great
Natural Pose: i have lots of that
thegreyVersion: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Natural Pose: ugh i feel like puking all over
thegreyVersion: why
thegreyVersion: because youre a junkie
thegreyVersion: you dirty dirty junkie
Natural Pose: because i ate food
Natural Pose: guzzling coffee
thegreyVersion: sick fuck
Natural Pose: so i guess i'm not leaving until friday morning
Natural Pose: woo
Natural Pose: which gives me ONE MORE DAY to fuck off and not do anything.
Natural Pose: until i go up north and not do anything
thegreyVersion: ok
thegreyVersion: well
thegreyVersion: are yoiu excited for me
thegreyVersion: i mean
thegreyVersion: c mon!

thegreyVersion: youre old:-)
Natural Pose: you have a job. i'm excited
Natural Pose: i don't know what's going on
Natural Pose: ahh orgasms
Natural Pose: ben what's the night for
thegreyVersion: gettin fuuuuucked up duuuuude!
Natural Pose: are you fuuucked up duude
thegreyVersion: woooooooooo
thegreyVersion: yea
Natural Pose: on whhaaaat
thegreyVersion: im sippin a little highball
thegreyVersion: but im still drinking espresso
Natural Pose: haha
thegreyVersion: dont worry , its that one i passed out to last night
thegreyVersion: anna
thegreyVersion: anna
thegreyVersion: anna
Natural Pose: yes darling
thegreyVersion: what are you doing?
Natural Pose: reading
Natural Pose: singing
Natural Pose: thinking
thegreyVersion: come over and sip tadies with yours truly!

thegreyVersion: ?
thegreyVersion: you are inveted
thegreyVersion: !
Natural Pose: i'm fuckin cold
thegreyVersion: in - vet- ted
Natural Pose: indebted!!!!!!
thegreyVersion: ill warm you up
thegreyVersion: with my ass hole!

thegreyVersion: YAY!
Natural Pose: whataboutyourasshole?
thegreyVersion: YOU KNOW

(funnels)

Wednesday, December 28th, 2005
10:33 am
you're dead mommy,so die. bang bang, you shot me down. i just woke up from a very strnage dream, i had to walk on this very narrow bridge that had stairs that went up and down, in and, out of the water, but the water level would fall and rise and you could fall off the edge very easily, i was peterafied. a young black man passed me going in the opposite direction , he was ver dissapointed in my spirit. i was ashamed and enraged so i made my way across the bridge, on the other end was a hackers-like coffeehouse/club. i went in and made my way to the bar, near there was were my friends were seated in a booth with a built in awning whom i recognized for a party earlier, they were older dorky looking men, but i seemed to be some kind of honered famouse person there.there were cats morphing,( 1 into 2 cats and colors and sizes and so on) a large black cat attacked me and wouldn't release me, i screamed as loud as i coluld and hit the cat, it ran into the corner and morped into and orange kitten. i quickly woke up and ,10:13 am, went into my bathroom and lit a cigarette, put on a pot of espresso, sat on my toilet and my life felt errily similar to a david lynch film.

(1thought | funnels)

Saturday, November 26th, 2005
10:37 am
last night i was drunk and i ate peperoni pizza. i hate that i did that , i ruined everything. a woman who was about 40 and a punk rocker was hitting on me a lot,chris Grey ended up fucking her in the bushes, she gave him 5 dollars, im doing a facial masque right now, which is funny because the last time i did one was with chris g. and that is kind of a fond memory, or at least one i can recall and giggle to myself.today we are preparing for a mushroom tea party, it will hopefully be wonderful. we need to decorate and get dressed up and build a fire then make tea. put your white light and loving energy out there! rawr.

(1thought | funnels)

Thursday, November 24th, 2005
2:19 pm
cooking up a wonderful vegan feast here in fayetteville arkansas,its 60 and sunny absolutly beautiful day, heard that its like 10 degrees in milwaukee, haha suckers. were staying in this massive house with a huge yard the 2 girls that live here are roommates with the dude who owns the house, hes some corperate nestle guy, but uh hes in vegas till sundy so we have a mansion to ourselves. insane. this town is real pretty hilly hippie town, um were leaving soon , goin to lousiana florida bla bla bla, i feel so much better now, much more alive, hoppin trains and riding in the back of pickups and shit.people are beautiful

(1thought | funnels)

Sunday, November 13th, 2005
10:30 am
in Columbia Missouri, somewhat interesting town, just woke up into the third day here. were staying at the diva house which is an all girl co op vegan house uh. i want to get to arkansas cuz we have a apartment to stay at in fayatville with scott and i need to get laid or something. probably staying in ar- kansas for awhile , going to little rock possibly , then new orleans and florida, wont be back for thanksgiving , dont know if ill be back for christmas. miss milwaukee? uh i dont know, i miss my mom and mikki, but mikki died like a month ago so whatever.i hope i meet someone amazing, tell mark i love him, see you sometime eventually. hehe

(1thought | funnels)

Sunday, September 11th, 2005
12:30 am
Mark the lark told me that we could no longer see eachother on tuesday, the next three days i was insideout, waking up each morning bawling, to drink and never eat a thing. on the fourth day i began to remember what it feels like to be single. Now i question weather we will ever be together again, i dont think we will, and i feel raw,but i hold him higher than anything still.

(2thoughts | funnels)

Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005
9:51 pm
i stayed awake untill 6 oclock reading "running with scissors", that probably wasnt the greatest idea considering i had to get up at 830 to work the corner.i ended up waking up at 9 15 and rushing out the door , eyeballs stinging like hell and all. For some reason i think sleeping in a open windowed room glues your eyelids to your eyeballs and when you finally open then it rips the skin off or something, they seriously burned like hell for at least an hour, mabye smoking excessive ammounts of pot before bed has something to do with it.Oh and reading for 4 hours straight.An old saggy furry woman with painted eyebrows woofed at me in some attempt to talk about school, or something. i basically was in "my own private idaho" for the entire 4 hours of work, that felt kind of neat i guess.
i have this new tummy problem, everytime i eat i get really nauseous and acidic afterward, i just write it off as being a byproduct of drinking everynight,having coffee everyday,taking speed and chainsmoking.i have also aquired one of those lovely rattlebox coughs that someone who inhales nicotine to deeply inherits.I found a picture of a runway model in a japaneese fashion magazine that had the hair that i decidedly figured lookd nice and was simply my hair but longer sooo im going to wait untill it becomes that so i can be sexy again for christopher.I think ill build my pecks and show them off a lot and paint my room. i think ill stop eating whit flour,maybe ill become king of god or arcangel or something and go to spas and get facials.

(2thoughts | funnels)

Sunday, August 21st, 2005
8:58 pm
I saw an angel today. it was very depressing.

(funnels)

Tuesday, April 19th, 2005
12:29 pm
our house has become kind of messy hang out house. Truckloads of people show up all kinds of fuckd up and roll blunts and leave messes to much drugs, life is a cloudy haze, but in a good way. last night i made a fort/bed on the porch and slept out there cept i didnt really sleep cuz my hay fever was real bad. i woke at 8 and went to walgreens to get pills for hay fever, took one before i even bought them and srtipped to my boxers and passed out in the sun on the porch and woke up all sweaty and was walking around the house pratically naked and joey and tj were there and it was kind of strange but i love being an exibitionist.they were high on blunts so i woke mark up by saying " wake up little baby" and poking the cut on his elbow.i made him come get coffee at bremen with me, the end.

(1thought | funnels)

Friday, March 25th, 2005
4:16 pm
oh, my throat hurts its swollen i think i should stay home and heal and let my immune system strengthen or something. i hope i dont die.boogers argh i bought dirt and im going to plant stuff and hopefully smoke a lot.

(1thought | funnels)

Thursday, March 24th, 2005
5:33 pm
chris, are you gone?

(1thought | funnels)

5:28 pm
wow , how exciting!i love when its dark and empty in here, and you can sneak aaround and act like its your house.

(funnels)

Sunday, March 20th, 2005
5:48 pm
i'm all dressed up with nowhere to go, i'm really not into going and sitting at cafes' anymore, so i need to find someone who wants to do something, and a house to go to. Once mark moves out of my moms house i'll have somewhere to go and stay and it'll be really nice, ill be able to sleep in town and be comfortable, because his room will feel like it's my room too because my room never feels right unless i share it with him.

(1thought | funnels)

1:54 am
when i spend a night sitting in my room i eventually start to feel really inhuman,
i don't know why that is, but i happens especially when i use the computer and watch movies. smoking usually cures it but i don't have anything to smoke. so i sit here, my room is the cleanest and most organized it's been in months, i end up looking at something and thinking it doesn't look right then move it, then get sentimental and remember the way my room used to be and think of the things that happened in it, then wish i would have never changed it.I think i might be confused about the direction of my life or something,something is missing/needs to change, as always for everyone.Meditation may help, but with all of these new age distractions it seems almost impossible. One more word...Summer...

(6thoughts | funnels)

Wednesday, March 16th, 2005
4:22 pm
eeeeerrrrrgggggg. bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. how i feel right now. when i get off of work i hope i can find something enjoyable to occupy me untill i'm sleepy enough to go to sleep. i kind of want to drink but i am trying to stay off of alcohol for awhile. i was drinking every night and it go to the point where i didnt feel the fun part of being drunk so that was just cause to stop for awhile. oh and it's expensive because i refuse to drink any of that gut-rot stuff.

(funnels)

Monday, March 14th, 2005
3:28 pm
at owrk with travis mark and chris. listening to modest mouse. i made a comic book insert for the phone and i like it it makes me happy, ill take a picture of it and show it to you. i want to do something after work but i dont know what blah i very much dont want to go to fuel or anything but i have to poop so bye

(2thoughts | funnels)

Saturday, March 12th, 2005
2:22 pm
i didnt't drink last night! hopefully when i drunk tonight i will actually feel drunk.

(2thoughts | funnels)

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